What Happy Couples Know - Week 4 Recap

"[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:7

Woohoo! We survived the month of love and our sermon series. I'm so glad we all now know everything it takes to make marriage work. Yea, us! Yea, Andy Stanley!

Here is the link to the week 4 video. As usual, there is easy access to the other videos there, too. 

General Notes
  • We are nothing without love. Knowledge, faith, words, actions, whatever great talents you have, they are nothing if you do not love with God's love. You could give all you have to the poor, everything you have and are, but are still nothing without love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)
  • So what does it mean to have love? Love is not mystical or internal, but in reality practical. It is patient, kind, it does not envy, it doesn't boast, and it is not proud. Love isn't dishonoring, self-seeking, isn't easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. (1 Corinthians 13:4-6) Love is a tangible manifestation of action. To quote Bob Goff, "Loves Does".
  • Ultimately, love always trusts, hopes, and perseveres. What does that look like in reality? In every situation there is the expectation of what you think will happen and the experience you have of what actually happens. In between these two, though, is a gap and you have a choice to decide what you believe - you can either choose to believe the best or assume the worst. Happy couples choose to believe the best. 
  • A study has actually shown that the happiest couples with highly positive views of their spouses create an "upward spiral of love". The illusion of how great their spouse is ("She's so great!") creates a conviction ("She really is so great!") which in turn fosters security. That security fosters intimacy (a fearless reveal of the true self) which fosters love... Thus creating a constant upward spiral of love.
  • The researchers from this study recommend that couples find the most generous explanation for each other's behavior and believe it. Love believes all things. Every time there is a gap in the relationship, even if it's the same repeated situation, remember that what you place there is a choice. You can choose to believe the best or assume the worst - this is the happy choice.  
  • Of course there are obstacles. You came into the relationship with the baggage of all of your past experiences and woundedness and insecurities. Those things have affected your behaviors and have coded specific responses in you. That being said though, you still have a choice EVERY SINGLE TIME.
  • Know that suspicion and low trust are self-fulfilling prophecies. If you continue to assume the worst, over time you will begin to see what you believe. You will lay a trap that your spouse will ultimately fall into. Low trust and suspicion set the stage for the things you fear the most.
  • Again, "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Corinthians 13:6-7). That means that love does not try to catch the other person doing something wrong. Love protects the relationship - whatever you put in the gap has the power to impact the relationship as much as the gap itself. Love always chooses to protect. Love always trends positive. And love knows that there will be resistance, but it chooses to persist and is determined to persevere. 
  • What are the options for not choosing to believe the best? Delight in uncovering mistakes, thrive on speculation, assume the worst, and embrace doubt. But why would you choose this? You would never recommend this to your child, so why would you want that for yourself and your marriage? 
  • Try this out for a week, choose to believe the best and to trust. Know this - trust equals acceptance. Our hearts and behaviors are drawn to trust and acceptance. The people we want to let down the least are the ones we respect and admire the most. When an atmosphere of high trust is created, an atmosphere of high acceptance is also created.
  • There will still be difficult conversations to work through, but as soon as they're done, get back to believing the best. Happy couples know that they have the choice every single time to choose the happy choice. 

Praise & Worship
"Joy of the Lord"
"Everlasting God"
"Be Thou My Vision"

REMINDERS! 
- The Olmsteads' will be hosting the entire month of March!
- If you are interested in finally joining the book club, information about the current reading can be found here. 
- Jesus saves.